These are some of the things that I've learned through life
I've learned... that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person
I've
learned... that when you're in love, it shows
I've learned... that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day
I've learned... that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world
I've
learned... that being kind is more important than being right
I've
learned... that you should never say no to a gift from a child
I've
learned... that money doesn't buy class
I've learned... that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
I've
learned... that to ignore the facts does not change the facts
I've
learned... that life is tough, but I'm tougher
I've learned...
that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks
I've learned... that I can't choose how I feel, but
I can choose what I do about it.
I've learned... that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his
fist, that you're hooked for life
I've learned... to give advice only when it is requested
I've learned... that the less time I have to work with, the more things
I get done
The
following were actually taken from Classified ads to newspapers
FREE...
YORKSHIRE TERRIER
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG
FREE...
PUPPIES
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBORS DOG
FREE...
PUPPIES
PART GERMAN SHEPARD AND PART STUPID DOG
SNOW BLOWER
FOR SALE.... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS
NORDIC
TRACK $300 HARDLY USED
CALL CHUBBY
This week, ALL our phones went dead, and I had to call the phone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 AM and 7:00 PM. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, he asked, "Would you like us to call before we come?" He also requested that we report future outages by e-mail. (?????Does your e-mail work without a telephone line???)
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IDIOTS AT WORK...
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
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IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD...
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Too many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE...
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal
lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
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IDIOT SIGHTINGS...
Sighting #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage> without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
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Idiot Sighting #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually> challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red.> She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
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Idiot Sighting #3: At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not
another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
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Idiot Sighting #4: I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.
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Idiot Sighting #5: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."
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There, now, don't you feel better? |
